자기 정의란, '당신이 어디에 있든지, 누구와 있든지 반응적이지 않은 사람이 될 수 있느냐 하는 것' 이라고 머레이 보웬은 정의를 내립니다. 즉, 그것은 당신이 관계에서 반응적이지 않고 불안하지 않은 것을 의미합니다. 자기 정의된 사람은 어떤 주제에서도 반응적이지 않고 내 입장을 취할 수 있습니다. 그리고 자신에게 중요한 사람이 내 의견에 동의하지 않더라도 지나치게 불안해하거나 방어적이지도 않습니다.
- 11.22 주보
몇 년 전 미사드리러 갔던 서울의 한 성당 주보에서 본 글. 애플 노트 정리하다가...
Self Differentiation (자기 분화)
https://www.karenrkoenig.com/blog/what-is-self-differentiation-and-why-is-it-so-important
Self Differentiation
It’s happening when you hear people speaking their minds with thoughtful conviction even though others might disapprove. It’s lacking when someone spends her life rebelling against the views and values of her parents and clinging to their opposite. It’s missing when someone stifles his feelings and thoughts in fear of hurting others or being rejected or shamed by them.
Murray Bowen, MD developed the self-differentiation theory which applies to human development and family dynamics. His theory has two major parts. 1) “Differentiation of self is the ability to separate feelings and thoughts. Undifferentiated people cannot separate feelings and thoughts; when asked to think, they are flooded with feelings, and have difficulty thinking logically and basing their responses on that. 2) Further, they have difficulty separating their own from others’ feelings; they look to family to define how they think about issues, feel about people, and interpret their experiences.”
http://www.thefsi.com.au/definitions-bowen-theory/
Differentiation of Self:
“The ability to be in emotional contact with others yet still autonomous in one’s own emotional functioning is the essence of the concept of differentiation.” (Kerr & Bowen. 1988)
“Differentiation is a product of a way of thinking that translates into a way of being….Such changes are reflected in the ability to be in emotional contact with a difficult, emotionally charged problem and not feel compelled to preach about what others “should” do, not rush in to “fix” the problem and not pretend to be detached by emotionally insulating oneself.” (Kerr & Bowen 1988)
Defining a Self:
A person ….can, through a gradual process of learning that is converted into action, become more of a self in his/her family and other relationship systems. This process of change has been called “defining a self” because visible action is taken to which others respond. A change in basic level can be achieved while in relationship to emotionally significant others, but not when others are avoided or when one’s actions disrupt a relationship.” (Kerr & Bowen 1988)
“If a therapist reacts to a family’s anxiety by telling people what to do, the resources of the family will quickly become submerged. If a therapist does not react, but just helps a family define the nature of the problem with which it is confronted (especially the relationship process that create and reinforce it), the resources of the family will resurface”(Kerr & Bowen, 1988: ).
🌈 https://yourmindfulcompass.com/about/dr-bowen/differentiation-of-self-scal/
Differentiation of Self Scale
The two most primary forces which each person must contend with are the force to be an individual, and the force to go along with others and be a part of the social group. The balance of these two forces in any individual differs over a life time.
a scale of emotional maturity :
✨ When people are more feeling focused they may let go of principles and try to stabilize his or her life by agreeing or becoming more like others. This mechanism, fusion, does not usually lead to the development of a more mature self but could buy one a bit of time to think about what is it that I believe or stand for.
50 to 60 : These people know the importance of having open relationships with both the nuclear and extended families. They are more neutral about others and about their own thinking feeling processes. The relaxed and open stance to others enables them to become more “Peak Performers” despite being different from the norm in the important relationship system. 🌝 👏